I drink beer and eat sausages. I sell smart-ass comments on the commodities market and I train my dog to do stupid tricks. I climb ladders and replace light bulbs, I drive to the grocery store when neccesary. I float in the tub. When Im feeling saucy I smoke a cee-gar. I run like the wind and can sing the Alan O'Day hit "Undercover Angel" without snickering.
I sell subscriptions to obscure newsletters. I read Sun Tzu. I play darts with the less gifted. I go to malls and look menacing. I taunt the overweight and then run away.
I stomp grapes. I dance like Nietzsche and live like Thoreau. I wobble but I dont fall down.
I pontificate. I cat-call and heckle. I smoke turkeys. I dont eat the pasta-salad.
I make paper airplanes during meetings. I enter contests where the first prize is a go-cart and cant sleep when the drawing date is near.
I shop and save. I fight my urges and lose on purpose. I watch "Gilligans Island" and dig Ginger. I watch "I Dream of Jeannie" and wonder how long Id put up with Air-Force crap with that little magical snuggle bunny at home in her jammies.
I found Waldo. I dress accordingly. I sit still during church. I giggle when teachers say "asphalt" or "uranus".
But most of all.... I love the Tide!
Do I qualify?